Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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