Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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