pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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