i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
