May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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