also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
