chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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