I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
