Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
