I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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