Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
