You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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