i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
