We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
