why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
