david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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