Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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