I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone stole a lamp last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
