I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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