how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
