u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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