9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
