I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
