Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
