I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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