Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
