The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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