pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she told me i tasted like america
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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