There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
