How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
