Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
