you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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