im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I love you. Go after that dick
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
