Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
