"it" just moved
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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