Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
did i just pee glitter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
