I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
