the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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