Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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