Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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