So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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