i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
