She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
