Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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