Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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