his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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