am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
