Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
