Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I supernannyed him into submission
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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