Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
