Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
