Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
