True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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