i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
