He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
